It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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