broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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