On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
