i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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