xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
