btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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