that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My balls are so social today.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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