i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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