I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
