He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
