Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
