i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
