I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
