she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
