No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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