i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
