somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
