The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is wine microwaveable?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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