you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
