There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
