best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
