I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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