She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
