I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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