yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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