Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Enjoy the penises
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
