goodnight i made you a song goodbye
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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