why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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