I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My pussy is not your playground.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
they're like a gay fantastic four
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
