You smell like a Billy Joel song
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize