I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
