i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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