im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
