..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize