Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
