Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
