You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
