Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i was born a porn star she said
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
