I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
