i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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