I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
