so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
