Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
