i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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