just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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