If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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