Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
