She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
