He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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