I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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