Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
