Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
