is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
