dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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