this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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