i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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