you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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