Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
