Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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