My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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