Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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