Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
