He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
