went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
