she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
