We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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