I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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