tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize