so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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