I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
