so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
