just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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