i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
