thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
